Hello and thank you for calling in...

My name is Helen and I am a Photographer living in England. I started this Blog on the day that my Grandma died, three months after my Father died and several weeks before a third funeral. Initially it was a very personal way to stay connected to the people I'd lost and it helped, it really did. But writing and taking pictures everyday has taken me to places I never dreamed possible and I am now marching into Photography as a full time proffession. A big thank you to my followers, to those who take the time to comment and to new visitors, I hope we will become Blog friends too...

Sunday, 8 January 2012

alan rickman and the packmen

I've had a bit of a disaster in that my laptop has crashed, lots of little pack-man like creatures appeared on the screen followed by a lovely message saying 'beginning system dump'. I switched it off quick but alas tis no more and won't even boot up. A trip to the laptop hospital is scheduled for the morning but it means I am having to borrow my sons laptop. I was loading a video off You Tube of Alan Rickman, one of my favourite actors as my friend and I were having a Saturday evening Facebook conversation about the joys of watching Alan. The clip in question was of him in 'Die Hard' but as soon as I opened it boom, meltdown. I'm sorry Alan but I will never see you in the same light again!
Now I was sure I had my USB stick in the handbag I have brought to mums whilst I live here temporarily but its not in there so I don't have any photographs to put on here! I have a few on another stick that I did bring, which are actually quite lovely to look at as they were taken mid summer last year, a world away from the grey days were having at the moment. Mum has a long hedge running the length of her driveway which is a magnet for Bees. Legs full of pollen they were buzzing furiously from flower to flower oblivious to my camera lens beside them. ooh I can feel the warmth of the sun on me now!

Yesterday I began the task of packing up my belongings at my former home. If all goes well I should be in the new house in 3-4 weeks so I began with my studio room outside and the garage. It wasn't too bad actually, I would think the hard part will be the things inside the house but I am able to leave that until I have the new one so I'm hoping excitement will keep tears at bay. It was strange to pack away our Christmas decorations, dividing them up between us so that we each had a tree and baubles for next year. Each year previously I had wondered to myself if my partner and I would make it to another Christmas, such was the precarious situation I had lived in. There was always the dark cloud hanging over me, the insecurity of why he wouldn't marry, why he still wanted everything to be separate even after all those years and worryingly his history of failed relationships. Although I had hoped and tried to make something more of us than my partner had wanted to be and I felt I had made a family despite of that, I knew in my heart that I was still on trial and would probably never make the grade. So this Christmas it was time to stop trying, to pack up the decorations for the last time in the way I had feared I would have to one day. Yesterday was that day.


3 comments:

  1. Beautiful photos and I love the stories that go along with them. Stunning

    Www.valleysshutterbug.blogspot.com

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  2. Thank you Shaun for your lovely comment and thank you for following! you have some wonderful images on your blog, I look forward to seeing more :)

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  3. Helen,I can really relate to what you say about your relationship here. I had nine years of wondering why someone who obviously wanted me in his life wouldn't even commit far enough ahead to plan a holiday with me in six months time, and who told me, if I got up the courage to ask him, that he didn't love me. As it happened, everything he did showed that he really did have strong feelings for me and I chose to go with that and ignore what he said. We're now married, so it did work out in the end but I had years of that precarious feeling you speak of and it can be pretty devastating. I left twice because I couldn't take it, once for another country and once for another man, and ended up going back to him both times. Eventually something made him realise that I was the one for him and he did a complete turnaround and things couldn't be more different. He'd had a terrible breakup with his previous partner that hurt him to the quick, and I think that was why he couldn't commit, but I still think nine years was more than long enough to get over it!

    Dividing up possessions is always hard and there's something particularly poignant about Christmas decorations. I hope next Christmas will be so much happier for you.

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