Today was my Fathers birthday, is/was how do you say that? To me he still IS, maybe not here for me to see and talk to but i still feel him. Its like the feeling you have when your not alone in the house, when your on your own in a room but there are other people in, the warm comfy feeling that your family is there.
I'm going to take a drive up to the village where we lived, in Derbyshire, with my camera and walk the walks we used to love. We had so many happy times there, that was the place where he wasn't ill, where he had friends and family and future. The place before we knew the nightmare ahead. If we'd stayed there, if we'd never moved to Leicester, carried on along that road instead of taking the fork would things have remained just as they were? Did we alter the future when we altered the course? who knows.
We don't have a grave to visit, Mum hasn't decided what she wants to do about that yet which today I'm actually glad about as I don't feel like dwelling on death, I feel like remembering life and good times. Fathers Day I was sad and needed a grave, somewhere to go and cry, I felt lost but today I feel like running through the fields and climbing trees I haven't climbed for years! I will post a photograph when I get back, it will be interesting to see what I capture today.