When the clock strikes twelve tonight it will be the start of a New Year and a start of a new life for me. Right now all I want to do is go home, back to my life, the one I have known for ten years. I want to walk in the front door when I visit my daughter later, clean my kitchen surfaces, make a drink for my family and sit down on our sofa just like every other Saturday I have had for years. There were so many parts about my family that I loved and so many things about the man I was with that I loved and I always hoped that we would make it, I can't imagine there being no 'us'. But for a while now, the bad bits had outweighed the good and although it is devastating to be without him, to have it fail, I know in the long run it will be for the best. Its such a shame, such a waste when you have given your heart.
So brave face at midnight and I will try my hardest not to cry when all the couples are kissing, I may even leave before that point, I will have to see. The photograph below, I have put on here before but when looking for a picture that symbolises the start to my year, there can't be any other than this one. Taken on a morning, very early, when it was just me alone in the woods with my camera and nature at its most glorious it shows me my future. I will be able to do this thing again that makes me so happy, wandering along with my camera capturing the magic, along my new path.